r - random

>There's a lot that I'd like to improve about myself, like how quiet and unconfident I sound through my speech and my diction, my passivity, my temperament

two books I would highly recommend:
No more Mister nice guy by Robert Glover (srysly read this if you grew up without a real dad and if you have the typical nice guy problems),
Models by Mark Manson

I myself started my self development and mental health trip after I did LSD for the first time this year. Had a real great impact. Beside reading books I joined the freemasons and started going to psychotherapy.

>>18449
Can't tell if serious...

>>18449

I had no father figure growing up. Thanks, I'll give these a read. Being a nice guy is beyond painful.

Also, I know this isn't /drg/, but what made your trip so special?

>>18450
why?

>>18451
then the book is definitely for you.
smashed me in the face and I spend like 6h thinking about what is wrong in my life. came out with a list of things to change.

I drink a lot because I hate my life. It works ok. I'm sure it will cause me trouble eventually but for now it keeps me sane.

>>18449
>No more Mister nice guy by Robert Glover
That really sounds like "How to become an asshole". I'd rather have every asshole read a book along the lines of "How to become a nice guy for dummies".

>>18459
It is quite different. The author mentions this, too.
To sum things up: nice guys (what the author calls nice guys!) only THINK they are nice. In general they are manipulating and behaving in very wrong ways.
The book is about becoming manly in a sense that you stand up for yourself and live your life like you want it without putting yourself above others.

>>18471
I read the first 40 pages. I feel like it identifies a real problem and has some kernel of truth but I also feel like it's too male centered. The reasons it gives for the existence of Nice Guys is very period specific, for example it tries to blame radical feminists and the sexual revolution for Nice Guys and implies throughout that these people are created through lack of a male role model in a household, ofc that's pretty mean to gay people and it seems to be not backed on anything substantial.

>>18476
I haven't read it but
>ofc that's pretty mean to gay people
sounds like projecting
Gay people are influenced by radical feminists and the sexual revolution and can also lack male role models. They're not special snowflakes who live in their own fairy land, even if some like to pretend.
>The reasons it gives for the existence of Nice Guys is very period specific
well it's a fairly period specific phenomenon, no?

>>18480
first of all I love how you're defending a piece of writing you haven't actually read because I said something you might consider feminist

the book was written 12 years ago, if it were a period specific phenomenon things would have changed by now. Since it's still relevant, clearly something else is going on.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy
there's tons of writing on "Nice Guy syndrome", and it only makes sense that people came up with better ideas in the past 12 years
>sounds like projecting
can you please elaborate on this? I wasn't saying anything that you just assumed. I was just pointing out that the text states children need their parents to be in traditional marriages between one man and one woman. If you read the book, you'd know what I was talking about.

another reason why it's too male centered is because a lot of the examples of "Nice Guy" behavior is stuff I've seen girls do too.

Got a bit on my plate atm. Worked at a place for 2.5 years, find out coworker has been stealing and I'm right in the middle of it. Literally all other employees know. Quit for a whole 2 hours or so, but the owners almost begged me to come back. I did, but not without telling them the issues I've been having.

The guy did get scared shitless since it was obvious everyone was on to him and hasn't stole since then, which makes my life tons easier, but there's still some bullshit; I work essentially 2 jobs within the store (the only one to do this) while being paid as one. They use a legal loophole to "allow" me do this. I'm now tasked with manager responsibilities without the extra pay. Furthermore, I did some design work for the company without payment, either. Since the owners loved the work, they want me to do more of it again near Christmas. Very tempted to ask for money this time.

Still, I just have a very bad feeling about this soykaf . As if they're already looking for MY replacement instead. Generally very paranoid now at work, and it has become exhausting. Wish I could just quit, but unfortunately I don't make enough to live by myself, and the big thing is not having to listen to my mom bitch about being a NEET.

This might not make sense due to how they have these businesses (the entire set up is a legal loophole). Driving me nuts.

>>18484
>Furthermore, I did some design work for the company without payment, either.
>I work essentially 2 jobs within the store (the only one to do this) while being paid as one.
>Quit for a whole 2 hours or so, but the owners almost begged me to come back.
Why aren't you asking for a raise and looking for another job?

>>18486
Also.
>Quit for a whole 2 hours or so, but the owners almost begged me to come back.
YEAH, BUT THEY DIDN'T OFFER YOU A RAISE, DID THEY?

>>18486
I did ask for a raise. It was met with a non-direct answer, more or less a statement. Then the owner went on about being broke, lost his life savings on the company, hasn't broke even yet, etc. Yeah. He refused the fire the guy stealing and instead threw some of his responsibilities onto me instead - something he gets a higher wage to do, and the owner only did this because he obviously doesn't trust the guy either. Mindboggling. Somehow my coworker doesn't have a license (or an SSN) but was given the position he has currently.

I am looking for another job, man. Everything so far is just Seasonal. I have ideas on making money online, but it's hit or miss at this point. Fast food places might be alright I guess.

>>18488
Of course not. In fact, other than getting the dude to stop stealing, they didn't do anything else for me. The owner even said something along the lines of "people that work for [name of 2nd business] all get the same rate" - which I didn't get.

There's so much legal bull soykaf that I'm now unaware of my own rights as an employee which now makes me want to contact a lawyer or some soykaf .

>male self help book
>it's too male centered
>wut?

Why do you have to bring gay people in? What has anything you stated before todo with gay people? Children (especially boys) need a male and a female role model. It does not matter if they are gay or straight or whatever. In the book he often mentions that he also had gay patients who had the same problems as the straight ones.

>period specific
that would be the period after WWII or even the industrial revolution. Read on and you will find out.

i used to tell myself to just be strong when i got upset and it worked. but now I don't see any reason to be strong, or any reason to fix how I am or anything.
i don't think I know anyone thats lived a normal life and somehow became depressed just by thinking. nothing bad has ever happened to me, just the more i thought about life the more depressed i got. i don't even know why I want to do certain things any more, none the less at the very least i still am working towards these goals i have maybe with less passion.

feeling a little bit better today. i never understood how i could feel so behind the competition, how i could be so stupid and weak when i see things no one else can see. thought maybe the things i saw were just obvious and so no one ever pointed them out. compared to my friends my math and writing is worse, they are better programmers, even minor soykaf like video games they are better at. today i realized my skill i guess is i'm creative and can pick out small details a lot better. although maybe my ego just came up with that to protect itself. everyone wants to think they are creative.

sometimes i wonder if its my diet or something that makes me feel this way, but i don't see a point in bothering to change it. i'm not so depressed i want to die by the way but sometimes i'l put my hands around my neck and try to choke myself. or il take sharp objects at my neck just to see what it would be like. I know id never go through with it, but it makes me upset that i even do this. i feel a lot better after crying.

sorry for the blog.

>>18709
same poster. i was just looking this up and finally found something

http://creativesomething.net/post/55508909341/the-link-between-depression-and-creativity-and

posting it for anyone who feels the same way I do. one thing i know I can trust is my instincts, and this bit right here

>The upswing of coming out of a creative slump, according to Shelley Carson, an instructor on creativity and psychology at Harvard University, is enough motivation to produce immense amounts of work. And it’s a very real boost, identical to one you would get if you received a random gift or really great news.

made me realize i eventually will stop being upset, and when i finish being upset it is true that i have a massive boost of energy and suddenly can get stuff done again.

I've found that I can force my self to be happy, and force my self not to be angry. Just general well being is all that is ensured in my life. I've tried to teach others these truths, but you may only apply them if you are willing. I've found that most people prefer their negative mindsets and or like to complain.

>>18489
You could get a job lined up at say McDonald's, then hardball your boss. Tell him you'll be quitting in x days, and if he'd like you to stay you will do the work of 2 employees like you're doing right now for the price of 1 and a half employees. Let your boss know if you quit it will take 2 employees to do your job and cost him money. Make sure you have paperwork proving you have another job lined up and that you're not bluffing.

You've then set up a win-win situation for your self. Make sure you try your best to make sure your boss isn't angry and you aren't angry when you give him this ultimatum. Try to frame it to him as an opportunity to cut costs, and that you'll be saving him money.

>>18719
This is assuming nobody else where you work is capable of doing the work your doing. If he could just fire you get a replacement then place your work load on someone else this won't work.

>>18720
However I think this would be worth a shot whenever you get another job lined up regardless. You may want to remind your boss of your extensive experience and proven trustworthiness. As well as the the loss the company will experience when you leave.

Every time I look in a mirror I tell myself that I am a powerful motherfucker and that I am in control of my life.

I do admit that sometimes I am depressed. But my depressed states only come in periods of idleness or when I come across something that's difficult to do. So, to me this really indicates my own personal laziness which I overcome by careful planning with specific goals. Sometimes it is easy to trick oneself into thinking that you did all the things you were supposed to do that day, especially when it is at the end of the day and you're tired. So, I just wake up early and get everything done.

I would recommend heavy recreational drug use because they provide a different perspective which can be fun to think about. They also provide a window in to a new society and the underground which is really fun and sexy to be a part of. It is very expensive though unless you're a dealer but then you're paying for it with your time, risk, etc. So, only spend money you won't miss on drugs.

>>18452
Just the LSD part..

>>18718
It feels shallow and fake when I try to "force myself" to be happy, like a temporary fix that is only worse in the long run. Like painting a rusting metal object so it looks slightly better for a while; but rusts from within, unchecked, until it collapses. Perhaps we should acknowledge and be mindful of what we're unhappy about so we can fix it, despite it being painful to think about, without wallowing on what cannot be fixed.

I don't really improve it, I suppose I just stay away from drugs/alcohol and stuff.

I have OCD, and refuse to take therapy or drugs for it, and over the years I've created numerous coping strategies that work very well, more efficent than Therapy of any kind.

>>18719
>>18720
>>18721

Thanks. Definitely a good idea.

I took the time to read up regarding employee rights and I'll be contacting a lawyer soon anyway (along with the AFL-CIO), but basically I should be good. The only thing they could feasibly do to me is a lay-off, but that would actually be illegal if my position still exists and someone else went and did it, showing they didn't actually try and cut down on expenditures. Already from what I hear, they are trying to hire someone new (and do exactly what I do now; work both places). This doesn't really mean anything particular to me precisely, since the dude that's been stealing is supposed to do it anyway, and they could be trying to boot him and not me. But, I learned that a company is gonna keep some 42y/o loser that's been there for 4+ years - regardless if he steals - because the owners know the fuarrrker has no urge/qualifications to find something better. If he did, he wouldn't be there making like $9 and hour for so many years, then now upped to around $10 a few months ago.

They would, however, boot someone that knows that can do better, and they'll boot him/her faster, because it's easier getting rid of people that realize the job & pay you give them is way below living standards. Plus, being there for a few years, those employees will now start to expect raises; a big no-no in this case.

I have a few other rights, simply because I spoke out about this, but honestly, it's such a garbage job in the first place that it's not even worth contacting lawyers and soykaf anyway. Whatever the outcome I'll be fine; it'll give me more time to study Japanese, programming, my gaming/manga/anime/book backlog, and the like.

>>18719
I've heard that usually when someone threatens to leave with an ultimatum, they give in and then fire you as soon as they find a replacement

>>18753

Then I'm fuarrrked. And it's obvious I am. I probably shouldn't have told the boss something along the lines of "if you get rid of him, I'll stay." But I did.

Owner comes in a few days later, tells me they aren't gonna get rid of him. If that doesn't tell me whats up then I don't know what else will. Plus all the other soykaf going on regarding a new hire.

Maybe I'll cut the bull soykaf and put my 2 weeks in (or just be a dick and quit straight-up.)

>>18718

I would say that happiness can be or is a conscious effort for sure. When I stop and try to look on the bright side of things and "just chill out", I find that it really helps

>>18844
I like being happy now and then, but that's what drugs are for. People think it doesn't count but in my experience drug induced happiness is indistinguishable from that of other sources.
I know people like to hate on zizek but https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U88jj6PSD7w