ID: 4004cf No.15586
I suppose I could use the opportunity to vent.
I'm not sure what, if any, mental illnesses I have. Nothing major, I suspect; I haven't been to see my GP about anything. I've considered it, but I always change my mind and think something along the lines of "get over it, it's not the end of the world". I don't often feel depressed, at least not these days. Stressed, certainly. Quite a lot lately.
I often catch myself making stupid fuarrrking decisions, even after having identified the better decision to make and being consciously aware of what I'm doing. I don't have a clue why, I just seem to tell myself "it'll be okay" or something along those lines. I've lost a couple of jobs this way. I suppose in the long run it has worked out okay--I'm still alive, my girlfriend hasn't left me, and apart from the aforementioned stress I'm generally okay. But this behavior niggles at me. I try not to focus on the past, but I find myself doing it fairly often regardless, and it's always about all the stupid decisions. I tell myself I won't make one again, that I'll stop myself and do what I know is right, but I think it's unlikely I'll ever follow through.
I lie quite a lot. Even to the people I love. (You could say especially to the people I love.) I despise myself for it, but it's so hard for me to control. The second there's even the hint of an opportunity for it, my brain has fired into overdrive and constructed one, and I blurt it out. Most of the time there isn't even anything to gain, in fact it'd often be easier to just tell the truth, but I do it anyway. I've talked to the people closest to me about this, so they aren't overly hurt when I do it... or so they say. I should still (somehow) make more of an effort to pack it in, though.
I think that's about it. Depression seems so rampant. You hear about it on the news, but the scope of it doesn't really sink in until you meet people affected by it, whether online or off.