OP here:
I'm done with the story for now and I've re-read and edited it multiple times. I don't want to make it longer than it already is. What I need now is feedback from other people to get some pointers what works and what doesn't. The phrasing might be a bit odd since English isn't my native language.
The whole text is available here:
https://cryptobin.org/e10616f5The password is the only word in orange that you see on the top right of your screen. The link will expire in one week.
Please post any (spoiler-free) feedback you have in this thread, in regards to story, scenario, characters, wording, etc.
Thanks in advance, lainons.